The 4th trimester is a time of adjustment, especially if you have other children to consider. When a new baby arrives, not only does the family dynamic change, but also the role of older siblings within the family. The youngest may start to regress in behavior. Older children may begin to feel left-out or harbor jealousy toward the newest family member.

But with a little preparation and a lot of communication, parents can help make the transition easier for everyone and even get older kids excited and eager to help with the new baby.

The post How Your Kids Can Help After You Bring a New Baby Home appeared first on Mom.com.

So week one of having a newborn went by in a euphoric blur. Part of me was amazed that this moment we had been waiting for had finally happened. We had a baby! A little squish of our own. Week one was a lot of recovery pain for me, which meant a lot of hanging out on the bed or couch. Our days were filled with on-demand breastfeeding to get that milk production strong, napping (yes, napping with baby helps combat the sleepless nights), lots of diaper changing, and moments of awe all done in loose jumpsuits, sweatpants, pajamas, and lots of nursing bras.

So, here we go — week two of the 4th trimester. This week is all about adjusting. I tried the shower again because I knew part of me would feel more human. The first few minutes were great, and then I tried to wash my hair. The pain of the C-section was excruciating. There was a searing hot pain where the incision was, and I quickly wrapped my core back up in my Belly Bandit C-section undies and belly wrap, and about 10 minutes later I could stand again. That was not the self-care shower I was hoping for.

The post Diary of a 4th Trimester Mom: Week 2 appeared first on Mom.com.

It sounded like a good idea, once upon a time. We would have three kids. Not a BIG family. Not a little family. Not average-sized. Just a little big, just a tad more energy, a smidgen more involving than the two-kid households where Bill and I were raised.

Ha!

Let’s just say you can’t be “a little pregnant,” and you can’t have a family that is “a little big.” Nine years after popping out my third munchkin, I am here to report that the three-kid household is the circus that never leaves town. And lest you think I am an unusually crabby individual, there is a new survey to back me up.

A Today Moms survey of 7,000 mothers across the United States found that the moms who reported being the most stressed out were those with three children. Not only were they having a harder time than the moms of two kids or singletons; they actually described higher stress levels than the moms with four, five, or more kids.

Of course, I can understand why it’s easier to have one or two kids. It’s like crossing the street. If you’ve got one child, you wait for the light to turn green, then reach for her hand and cross the street. If you’ve got two kids, you’d better grab their mitts before the light changes, in case one of them (usually the younger one) decides to dash out into traffic. You may even need to look behind you to find that kid, but you do, and you cross, less focused in one direction perhaps, but managing, a child in each hand.

Then you have three, and suddenly there’s the choice: Who can manage without my hand? Who can get through this moment on his own, because I’m too busy with his siblings right now to help him out? There’s guilt in that decision. There’s anxiety. There’s probably also frustration, because he wants to hold your hand even if he’s old enough to manage alone, and so he’s whining or worse, starting a fight with a sibling. And so, once again, there’s chaos and you reach the other side with a pounding heart and the resolve to manage this better, next time.

Add in the one-third financial mark-up from the two-kid family, and you have it: the stress built into life every day in a three-kid household.

It’s very possible that if we’d gone and had one more kid, I’d be more zen and my children would manage better.

Here’s what’s killing me, though — why is it easier to manage even more children? To find out, I emailed three girlfriends who have four kids. This is what they told me:

“By the time your fourth arrives, you don’t sweat the small stuff anymore. If giving your 3-year-old ice cream or a lollipop before dinner will keep the peace, you let her have it. You know it won’t ruin her for life!” –Priscilla Holmes, Philadelphia, PA

“Four kids makes me uber-consumed with being organized … I believe four has taught me that I need to be more conscious of what is important in life. I stay focused on the little things because they really are the big things.” – Heather Trilling, Westlake Village, CA

“Four is easier because the kids can pair off. Especially when you have two of each. With three, there is one left out. Also, when it was three, the baby got treated more like a baby for some reason. With four, you can’t indulge the youngest, and she’s more likely to try to keep up with the others.” – Anne Arikian, Los Angeles, CA

It’s very possible that if we’d gone and had one more kid, I’d be more zen and my children would manage better. I cop to the trap of trying to give my kids the attention and resources that their friends from two-kid households receive; with three, it’s still possible most of the time. There’s just less left (less time, less energy, less money) for me and my husband.

Still, I’d do it again. Having three kids may be more stressful than two, but I also think it’s more fun, exciting and, when it’s going well, more joyous.

That said, I’m not rushing out to get pregnant again, either.

The post The Right Number of Kids: 3 … or Is It 4? appeared first on Mom.com.

As I held baby Natalie, her four-year-old brother Tommy ran up. Unprompted, he cupped her head in his hands and kissed her. It was pretty damn sweet. And foreign. My four-year-old doesn’t kiss or hug his baby brother.

The post When Sibling Love Doesn’t Look the Way You Thought It Would appeared first on Mom.com.