Tips and Tricks for Managing Multiples.

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Helpers in Your Home

• Tip: always remember that the helpers (whether volunteers or paid) are there to help YOU. You need to make clear your expectations and clearly ask for the help you need and want. Don’t assume others know what you want or need – they don’t.
• Tip: Many will offer advice who have never had multiples or have been around multiples. They will lovingly offer all kinds of advice that won’t work. Listen, think about it, then take what works for you.
• Tip: LET OTHERS HELP YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Tip: have a calendar by the phone. When people call to congratulate you and say “let me know how I can help” — jump on it!! Tell them you have a calendar next to you and would love to know when they can help. Suggest a date and time that you need a helper and pen them in. You WILL need the company, you will enjoy the help.
• Tip: when people ask how they can help, suggest (gently if need be) that you would LOVE a home cooked meal.  This IS extremely helpful the 1st three months. 
• Tip: other ways that people can help you – grocery shopping, helping address birth announcements, watching the twins for a short time so you can do something (eat, rest, get your hair done, etc.), take the twins on a walk in their stroller around the block, etc. Make a list and keep it by the phone. You will get a LOT of phone calls right after the babies are born — then it will dwindle down. Be ready to ask for help right away and mark it on a calendar. People REALLY are excited and want to help, they just need to know HOW to help you…so let them know.

Hiring Help

One common challenge with a helper (especially when you are going to be home at the same time as the helper) is that mothers often find themselves doing a lot of the “yucky” work (laundry, diaper changes, taking out the dirty diapers, making formula, etc.) while the helper (be it grandma, a nanny, mother’s helper, etc.) rocks the babies, feeds them or plays with them. You, the MOM should be bonding with the baby, so have your helper do the other mundane work. They need to be there to help YOU.

• Tip: You will need help, arrange for it early and often. You need to make it (survive!) the first year, so don’t think of this as forever.
• Tip: You may find it easier to go back to work part time (just for the break, sometimes “working” is easier than being at home 24/7 with small children). If you do find this best for you, don’t feel guilty. Do what works best for you and your kids. Even if the work $$ just covers the cost of help, you may appreciate the few hours off each week to get out alone and enjoy adult company.
• Trick: A good place to try and get a part time nanny is through California Lutheran University. You can place an advertisement through their website at www.clu.edu. 
• Tip: Having a nanny can be cheaper than paying for two children in daycare and it’s less stressful (sometimes) because you don’t have to get up and out of the house each day. 
• Tip: The average pay range for a live-out nanny is about $8 – $10 per hour. You pay at the higher end of the scale for English speaking, driving, helping with housework, more experience.
• Tip: Live-in nannies usually get paid a weekly amount, plus room and board and use of a car on occasion (if they don’t have a car).
• Tip: Many MOMs have not had great luck using nanny agencies. You can often screen them with more care. Make up a good list of questions and screen phone calls, get their number and say you will call back if you want an in-person interview.
• Tip: Good local papers to advertise for a helper or nanny — The Acorn, the Star (ask to just run an ad in your area — not the whole Ventura County). Also try placing an ad on CraigsList.org.  It’s free!
• Trick: See if you can find a stay-at-home mom whose kids are a bit older and already in school. That way she could drop of her kids, come help you and still be ready to go and pick up her children at 3. She got a great, flexible job that worked exactly with her kids schedule and you get help 3 days a week.
• Relatives and other “helpers”: By far one of the greatest and yet hardest working helpers are your relatives and friends. The good part is they love you and they love the kids. The bad part is they can drive you crazy and yet you find yourself desperate for help. Use their help with one baby (they stay home with one) while you get out with the other baby. Or have them help while you nap. Good luck!!

Nannies and Babysitters: By “nanny” we mean someone who comes into your home (or lives with you) on a regular basis and her primary job is to help take care of the children. This means they can do everything from feeding to changing diapers and all things in-between. You should have an agreement in writing as to what her duties are (the nanny is usually a she, thus we will refer to her as a she). It is reasonable to expect her to do anything and everything related to child care (including making their meals, cleaning up their meals and toys, changing linens, taking out nursery pail, doing the children’s laundry). It is NOT reasonable to expect her to do cleaning that is not related to the children (your laundry, your linens, walking the dog, etc.) UNLESS you arrange for that in advance. You can certainly hire her and pay her to do those types of things (e.g. — housecleaning, dog walking, etc.) but do not expect it unless you discuss it (and put it in writing) in advance. You will probably need to pay extra for these services (maybe a dollar or more per hour.

Babysitters: By babysitter we mean someone who comes on occasion and you leave the house. This could be on Friday or Saturday nights (the infamous “date night” we are all supposed to have, somehow…) Anyway – look for relatives first (they love you, the kids and are usually free!). After that, look for neighborhood teens or seniors who want a few extra dollars. The average range for babysitters looking after two (or more) kids ranges from $10 – $15/hour, plus a tip (round up to the nearest 5).  Where to find them? Post a sign at the neighborhood park or mailbox, ask your neighbors, ask your friends with kids, stop all teenagers who look old enough. Finding a good sitter is hard work, but worth it. Keep them happy by paying well and being on time (and in cash — teens hate checks). Better yet – arrange an on-going babysitting gig — like every other Friday night — so you can count on it and they can count on the $$.  Have a “babysitter” book or sheet of paper by the phone. Always list your address (in case they need to tell 911 where they are). List your cell phone numbers, a local number (like a neighbor or grandma) in case they can’t reach you. In addition, write down the specifics for that night — where you are going, when you will be back, what the kids can eat, when they go to bed, what they need to go to bed (e.g. — bunny, blanket, etc.)  If you have to cancel on a good babysitter (and you want to ever get her back…) give her as much notice as possible. If you have to do it so late that she can’t get another job — I would offer to pay her anyway. Babysitters can be that precious. Mail her a check, tip, or a small gift certificate (Starbucks gift certificates can save your life…).

Mother’s Helpers: Another option is to hire a “mother’s helper”. This can be a young teen (even 10 – 12 years old) as someone who comes in to help you with the babies. You stay there with the babies and the helper. This arrangement can be very helpful if you need someone for a couple of hours a few times a week. There are moms who have a neighborhood girl come over after school two or three times a week. You can usually have them play with the babies so you can take a shower or get some laundry done, pay the bills, etc. The helper can also do things like fold laundry, walk the dog, feed a child, burp a baby, etc. With older helpers, they can take them on a short stroller ride while you rest, etc. For this younger helper, you can usually pay a smaller sum, like $3/hour.